


Not the Whole Story

by GreenFish



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2013-09-17
Packaged: 2017-12-26 20:35:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/970027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenFish/pseuds/GreenFish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Apparently, Ted didn't have the whole story correct...  Post ep:  Sandcastles In The Sand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not the Whole Story

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LiveJournal.

**The Year 2030**

"They watched it over and over again that night. Until, finally, they stopped watching it..." Ted trailed off at that point. 

"And then what?" 

"Well... they, um, started kissing. And, uh, Robin tells me he bought her breakfast the next morning."

"Wow. That must have been serious. Uncle Barney _never_ buys women breakfast," Ted's son said.

"Except for Aunt Lily," his daughter corrected. "That one time they lived together."

"Oh -- yeah..."

"Did Aunt Lily and Uncle Barney ever sleep together?"

Ted immediately started coughing. "What?" he asked.

"You know," his daughter said. "When they were living together. They slept with each other, right?"

"Um, yeah, I don't think so," Ted said. _Mental note to self,_ Ted thought. _Ask Barney if he ever slept with Lily. He probably didn't. Of course he didn't. Right?_

"Okay," his son said. "But Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin slept together, right?"

"Well, yeah. They were sort of dating at that point. Which, actually, kind of put your Uncle Barney and I at odds for a while. But that's another story for--"

"Wait," his son interrupted. "So that was the very first time Aunt Robin and Uncle Barney shucked up?"

"'Shucked up,' what--?" Ted asked.

Ted's kids exchanged glances. 

"I think dad's generation called it 'hooking up,'" his daughter said, using finger quotes.

"That is so gripe," Ted's son said.

"I _know_. So gripe."

"'Gripe?'" Ted asked. "I swear to God, you kids make up these words. What's that supposed to mean?"

"Uh -- dumb?" his son said. "You are _so_ out of the loop, Dad."

"I'll have you know that back in the day, I was very _in_ the loop. I was a trend-setter--"

His kids exchanged looks again. "Huh," his daughter said. "That seems lusciously embellished."

"See, that's what I mean, 'luscious.' That is not the proper use of that word," Ted said. "Now. Wait -- where was I?"

"Aunt Robin and Uncle Barney?" his daughter supplied.

"Ah -- yes. So, like I was saying, that was the first time they got together, and --"

"Wait," his son interrupted. "You're saying _that_ was the first time they got together?" 

"Uh, _yeah_ ," Ted said. "Trust me. I would have known if they were, uh, 'shucking' earlier."

" _Dad._ It's 'shucking up,' not 'shucking.' God. And -- you're wrong," his daughter said.

Ted frowned. "Says who?"

His son laughed. "Says Uncle Barney."

"What?" Ted asked. He made a face. "Hmm. You know -- now would be a good time to take a break, maybe grab a soda or something. I'll be right back."

"Ugh. He's been going on for _hours_ ," his daughter said. 

"I _know_ ," his son said. "I don't know if we'll ever get to the part where he meets Mom."

"I know, right?"

===

Ted pulled up Barney's number on the vidscreen. "I can't believe him," he grumbled, finding himself unconsciously humming along to the wait music as Barney's number was dialed.

Several seconds later, Barney answered. "What up, Ted? Looking for your daily dose of awesome?"

"Barney -- why didn't you tell me that you and Robin hooked up before the whole, uh, Simon thing?"

"What are you _talking_ about, Ted?" Barney asked.

"Don't play stupid with me. The kids told me. You guys were sleeping together before we found out about Robin's second video."

"Damn it," Ted saw Barney mumbling to himself. "I mean -- you know how kids are, always making up stuff, right?"

"Don't even try lying to me, Barney. You know I can see you."

"Gah," Barney said. "Damn vidphones. I mean -- of course, Ted. I wouldn't lie to you."

"So why wouldn't you tell me that you and Robin hooked up earlier?"

"Ted, Ted, Ted. That was, like, twenty years ago. Why does it even matter?"

"Barney, you're my best friend--"

"Finally, you admit it!"

"--besides Marshall, and -- I just can't believe you would keep something like that from me."

"Listen, Ted." Barney did the eye pointing routine. "Pay attention. You were a little emo bitch at the time..."

"Whoa, whoa --"

"And," Barney continued, raising his eyebrows. "If I'd _told_ you I was sleeping with Robin too early, you would have probably reacted even worse than you _did_ , which was pretty pathetic, by the way. Crying, Ted? Really?"

"I dated Robin almost as long as I dated my wife -- plus, I was still single at the time when you guys broke the news, and, anyway -- bros ask for permission. I _told_ you that twenty years ago."

"Yeah, well. You would have said no if I'd asked, and besides, we didn't really _date_ in the beginning; not like you and your first-date 'I'm in love with yous,' anyway."

"Hey!" Ted said.

"Anyway, I _would_ have told you, but Robin told me not to."

" _Robin_ told you not to?"

"Apparently, she predicted exactly what would happen. Right down to the crying outside of McLaren's. Go figure."

"Seriously. Enough about the crying. I was a little upset at the time. So what?"

"Well, anyway. It's not like it was a big deal. You met the future Mrs. Ted Mosby shortly thereafter, and Robin and I well, we eventually went our separate ways." 

Ted wasn't totally sure, but it sounded like Barney sniffed. "Did I just hear you sniff?"

"What?" Barney asked, turning away from the monitor. "No!"

"Dude. Are you crying? You are _totally_ crying. Robin broke your heart, didn't she?"

Ted heard Barney sniff again, even though Barney's back was to the camera. "No!" he said, unconvincingly.

"Ha! I can't believe it! And to think, all this time -- I thought you guys had a -- what did you call it? 'Bro understanding?'" Ted still thought it was funny Barney called Robin his 'bro.' 

"We did!" Barney said, turning around, his face looking slightly red. Barney sniffed again.

"Dude, I'm sorry," Ted said. "I didn't know that Robin meant so much to you. I mean, you guys have probably had this secret relationship all along that we never even knew about... You're probably still hooking up with her, aren't you?"

"Of course not; don't be ridiculous," Barney said quickly. 

Wow. Barney was probably the world's worst liar. "I can't believe it!" Ted said again, clapping his hands together. "You guys are still hooking up?"

"No. Yes. Only every once in a while! When she's in town..." Barney trailed off. 

"When you went on that 'business trip' to Japan? And Africa? And Ireland? You were following _Robin_ , weren't you?"

"No," Barney said.

"Oh my God, you _were_."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Barney said. 

"Man. You are a bigger girl than I am. And according to my wife, that is saying a lot."

"Ted. You wound me. I am _nothing_ like you and your -- whipped ways."

"Uh huh," Ted said, rolling his eyes. "Listen -- I have to go, but, um, the next time you're on a business trip, say hi to Robin for me, okay?"

"Yeah, I --" Barney stopped. "Fuck you, Ted. I hate you."

"Love you, too, Barney," Ted smiled as he switched off the vidscreen.

===

"Who were you talking to?" Ted's son asked as he settled back into the chair opposite his kids.

"Oh, just your Uncle Barney."

"So, we were right, huh?" his son said. "Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin _were_ together before you met what's-his-face?"

"Simon? And, yes – fine. You were both right. But it doesn't necessarily change the story of how I met your mother. Now. Where was I?"

"You just found out Barney and Robin were sleeping together, and you were outside McLaren's, crying like a baby?"

"Where did you hear that? That totally did _not_ happen. Mostly."


End file.
